How do I know if I need therapy?
The first step to seeking out support and looking at therapy from the perspective of change
Ever typed that question into Google? It has been the start of many journeys into finding therapy. It was certainly mine, many years ago, where I was hopeful that the combined wisdom of the internet would tell me everything was fine and I could tough it all out by myself!
What I actually found was – if you find yourself Googling “do I need therapy?”, there’s room to be curious about how you came to the question.
“What has changed recently, for me to be asking that question?”
Are you able to reflect on the following:
What thoughts have me concerned about needing therapy? Are they new? Have they become more frequent or louder?
What feelings are difficult for me to deal with right now? Can I name them? Do they feel overwhelming?
Has my behaviour changed recently? How? Has this also been noticed in my close relationships? Do I have supportive relationships in my life?
What are my thoughts and feelings about therapy itself? Is there any hesitation, any stigma or feeling of shame? Are my beliefs about myself or therapy preventing me from reaching out?
As you can see, reflecting on the question can bring up a lot more questions, some of which may be hard to answer. Thinking about our thoughts, feelings or behaviours can often be overwhelming in themselves. There is no shame in this – we are often taught to not ask for help or sometimes to even ignore our own feelings, which can negatively impact our lives until they become impossible to ignore.
(Alt text) A person typing on a laptop with a Google search bar in the foreground.
What has changed recently?
Often what I see online is the advice that therapy can be helpful if something happens to us that we need support to talk through. A loss of a close friend or family member, a traumatic event, a diagnosis or a job loss. With those external changes, absolutely therapy can help support you in dealing with the difficult feelings that come up for you.
From my own experience of clients living with work difficulties and life limiting illness, sometimes it can be a relief to have their fears and frustrations heard by another person. This is especially true for those with caring responsibilities, who need somewhere to process difficult feelings without them impacting the people they care for.
However, events like these make up only a proportion of the reasons why people are compelled to seek out therapy. They are concrete events and often easy to pinpoint where the journey to seeking help starts. There is another proportion I find are less cut and dry.
So many people seek out therapy because of internal changes:
A change in thoughts, feelings or behaviours that are starting to impact our quality of life and relationships. This could be as varied as withdrawing from others, losing passion in work or hobbies, overwhelming rage, resentment or anxiety, hopelessness or constant tiredness.
A change in motivation where we have lived with an issue for a long time and no longer want to struggle alone. We could have only realised recently that our way of living is not how we want to continue, or that the fog has lifted somewhat and we are more aware of our feelings of hopelessness or apathy. It could even be changing our mind recently about therapy itself, and we’re curious about what it can do.
A change of perspective where we have noticed a pattern in our lives that we want support to confront. Perhaps we fall into friendships or intimate relationships that make us unhappy. Maybe it’s difficult at all to form close relationships with others. Maybe we push ourselves too hard and find boundaries challenging, so we feel taken advantage of.
(Alt text) A man walking in a straight line. The line is being drawn by a large hand belonging to someone else.
Does anything here sound familiar? Is there something that particularly makes you curious, or has given you a different perspective? Hopefully it’s offered a way to reflect about why we start wondering about therapy and the types of changes it can support, both external and internal.
If this way of reflecting has been useful, it’s what I try to encourage in myself and in my own practice. Get in touch and let me know what’s come up for you.
